Who the hell's body am I in?

Of course your body changes a lot when you are pregnant, that is to be expected. But I still scare myself when I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror, or look down to see what food I just dropped on my chest.

I'm just sitting there eating a muffin at the table when some of the muffin crumbled off and fell down my shirt. I looked down to try and locate the crumbs and it was sitting on my CLEAVAGE!
OH - MY - GOD! When did I get that!?! Nobody told me! I didn't even have to dig down in my bra to retrieve the crumbs, they were just sitting right there on top of my boobs. Quick! Someone send me some low plunging tops. I have to take advantage of this new development!

With the ever increasing belly size, I hadn't seen my, uh, how would Cora say it?, nu-nu, in awhile. I had to do a little maintenance down there because I was going to the beach. I think someone broke in the house and did a dye job while I was asleep, because to my great surprise, the hair is a different color. What the hell is that all about?

I've also been getting this lately:

Them: "You look GREAT!"
Me: "Thanks!"
Them: "No, like really great. Like better than you did before your were pregnant."
Me: "Uh, thanks?"

Thanks Steve, I think you are sucking off all of the little fat deposits from around my body and utilizing them in a positive manner. But I would appreciate it if you would stop requesting doughnuts. We've got a good thing going here, lets not push our luck with all of this fried dough.